1. Destroyer or Destroyed?

“Please don’t do it, I’m begging you,” I pleaded. “I’ll do anything, give you anything, just leave me alone, please,” I begged.

However, my pleas fell on deaf ears, all that happened was that the grip on my wrists tightened, just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse. I pleaded and begged for many more precious moments but her face just remained impassive. She didn’t even seem to register what I was saying, it was as if she couldn’t even hear my pleas.

It was only when she began dragging me to the car that despair set in. Utter desperation overcame me and I was prepared to do anything to stop her but I recognised that look in her eyes, that glint of stubbornness which indicated that her mind was set. I didn’t know her but stubbornness I knew well. I could recognise it a mile away because, lets just say stubbornness is my best friend. My strongest trait. The characteristic by which I was known by. My signature, you could call it.

Stubbornness doesn’t have a very nice ring to it though so I prefer to call it determination and if it weren’t for that, my life would have no purpose. Not that it has much use at the moment. I’m a destroyer. Destroyer of what you may ask? The happiness of all those close to me. If you’re shaking your head and murmuring soft, kind words, please don’t waste your time lying to me and yourself, I’ve accepted it. Not only have I accepted it, I’ve found a solution for it. It’s a very simple one really, an idiot could have realised it even, get close to no one, you can’t hurt anyone. It wasn’t that hard actually. If you also tend to be a someone who destroys the happiness of those around you, you’ll understand. If not, you’re probably nodding your head sympathetically pretending to understand, please stop. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s people who do that. Not that I like many people either ways. Don’t take it personally.

Now getting back to the point, did I mention that I also hate people who digress? If you know me, you’ll point out that I do it a lot but I never said I liked myself, did I. So anyways, as I was saying, it wasn’t hard to prevent people from getting close to me. I myself was surprised in fact, and I’m quite the cynic, at how quickly people drifted away from me, even people who promised in kindergarten that they’d be my best friend forever. I suppose when you’re just a destroyer of happiness, people are happy to leave you.

To all you romantics and dreamers, allow me to burst your bubble. The promise of forever is as true as is Shaytaan reading Salaah on your prayer mat if you don’t fold it.In simple terms, a huge load of utter rubbish and lies.I mean Shaytaan reading Salaah, how amazing! Maybe I should always leave my prayer mat open.

There was only one exception to the rule, one person who still stuck around and didn’t desert me, who actually still loves ME. He doesn’t verbally express it but by his actions I know he loves me. I don’t think my heart could bear it if he stopped loving me, if he stopped caring for me.

This woman was not going to take that away from me, she couldn’t. I would never let her. I might as well end my life if she does that because he was my everything. My life, my supporter, the only person who loved me, the only one blind to my numerous faults…

And it would stay that way, no matter what the consequences. I’d stopped caring about others a long time ago anyway. I’d gotten the title stubborn for a reason and that woman was going to figure it out, the hard way. Bribery or begging, tears or tantrums, coercion or compulsion, insistence or intimidation, nothing was too grave. In fact, it was all in accordance with my motto for life, “The sky is the limit…”.

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11 thoughts on “1. Destroyer or Destroyed?

  1. I am slightly confused as to who is dragging who where? Is the narrator dragging that Halaah girl somewhere??? Also…is this written by a male or female?? Not that it matters it’s still good anyway just curious…

    Liked by 1 person

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